I Believe in Something
by surprisesuprise
Summary: College AU. Will is a Senior in High school, visiting a college for the weekend and meets Sonny (who attends the university) at a party.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

As they all stood in the lobby of the dorm , Will noticed him right away. He could only hope, the dark-haired, hot guy was not noticing _him_ noticing him. He was talking with a group of students by the chairs and Will watched him smile, watched him laugh, noticed that he licked his lips…

"Well, we're going to go over to this party at my friend's sister's place, later," said Sierra, talking to him and Gabi and T. "I can't have guys spend the night in my room, though. Girls only. So Will and T are going to crash at Dan's dorm across the way."

"Who is Dan again?" asked Will, coming back to the conversation. Out of the corner of his eye he watched the man go to the dorm front desk and chat it up quite friendly-like with the girl behind the counter. 'Oh.' His heart felt a small, painful pinch, and Will tried to forget the last ten seconds when he had been staring at him. Okay, ten minutes. Either way.

"My boyfriend," said Sierra, the unspoken, duh. "He said it was cool, you'll meet him at the party."

"Well," said T, "Who knows, really, where we will be spending the night? I might meet someone, I might go home with some lucky blonde. Will, he might find himself a redhead." T nudged him in the ribs with his elbow and grinned expectantly.

Will laughed uncomfortably. "Okay, wh-what?"

"What? It could happen. College girls, afterall. You know."

"Will goes for brunettes, though," smiled Sierra. "Am I right?" Sierra pointedly looked at Gabi.

"Sierra, just leave it," said Gabi, quietly, shaking her head. She smiled at him , apologetically, Will thought.

Will squirmed. All his friends were looking quizzically at him, not a new occurrence when the subject of girls came up. Why was he always feeling scrutinized lately? Like they were watching his every move when it came to these sort of things? What were they looking for? What did they know?

Will just shrugged and adjusted his overnight bag on his shoulder. "Man, this is getting heavy."

"Right," Sierra said. "Well, yeah, for now, let's just dump the stuff in my room and then we'll get something to eat. I can show you guys real cafeteria food and give you a taste of college-life. You can get a preview of what to expect next year when you've left high school and your mom doesn't cook for you and you just eat tater tots and flat cheeseburgers."

"Nevermind, I'm going to commute," said Gabi.

As they moved down the hall, Will, allowed himself a brief last peek at the dark-haired guy and then shook his head to himself.

For a moment, while waiting for the elevator and lugging their stuff through the halls, Will thought about what it would be like to be away at college. Yes, he might miss the Brady Pub for it's food and he would miss his siblings, some friends and family…but more than anything, he wanted to be far away next year.

Come fall, Will was hoping to be at Northeastern, a good 6 hours away. He doubted many people from his high school would end up there, certainly no one from his group of friends were going there. And that was just the way he needed it to be. Far away, he could feel the freedom of finally being able to be himself. He wouldn't feel the pressure to be what people expected of him. He wouldn't feel constantly watched and judged.

If he was far away, he would actually be able to admit that he was gay. But not before, not while he still lived in Salem. Certainly not this weekend.

###

"Wow," said Sonny, nodding at his roommate's Linnea and Mark. "You said a gathering, I think."

"Did we? I think we said party," grinned Mark.

"There's a keg, next to our couch…"

"Yep," smiled Mark. "Which, yeah, can you help me move the couch? And this coffee table. Let's get it against the wall."

"And a keg in the kitchen," said Sonny. He sounded stern, but the smile in his eyes gave him away. Once again, he was just amused by their antics. He helped Mark push the furniture to the walls of the room.

"You have to spread out, the beer," said Linnea matter-o-factly. "Or one room gets way too crowded. How much should we charge to get in? I'll just give them each a cup at the door when they pay."

"$10?" said Mark. "That'll get them pizza, too."

"Sonny, did you stop by Haynie Hall and ask Cathy to come? And to bring her adorable, available friend, Tony for you? Hmmm?" asked Linnea, pulling out an empty shoe box for money collection, and placing it on a stool that she dragged to the front door.

"I did, actually," said Sonny. "I said, come to our house for some cards and dinner, tonight. Come for a small gathering."

Linnea smiled broadly. "You're going to love him."

Sonny shrugged. He didn't expect to love him. He was just hoping for like at this point.

And really,Sonny didn't mind the blind-date aspect of Cathy bringing someone with the intention that they might hit it off. Would he have preferred that his future boyfriend and he would just see each other across a crowded room, lock eyes, and fall instantly, madly, deeply in love, as if brought together by fate, and then they could live happily ever after? Of course. But Sonny could be practical. That wasn't in the new plan.

Sonny had been very clear with Cathy, and warned her to be very clear with Tony. What Sonny wanted now was: Casual. Fun. Nothing serious. Nothing with a label.

He had given his ex his heart to hold for over a year, and here, months later from the break-up Sonny still felt like his heart had been returned a mangled, shadow of what it once was. He swore to himself no serious relationship, no boyfriend, for at least six months. He needed to feel single and free. He needed not to get virtually trampled on again, until he was fully healed, lest there be nothing left of him to even recover.

"She said she talked to Tony then about you? About tonight and meeting you and he was all for it?"

"Yep," said Sonny. She had said Tony was all about the fun, the no strings. He knew what he was getting himself into. "Hope he like cheap beer and greasy pizza. And crowds."

"This is going to be an awesome night, " grinned Mark. "I promise."


	2. Chapter 2

This party was pretty much like Disneyworld, but not the fun part. It was just the part with the endless lines and crowd and waiting. Will tapped his empty red silo cup against his thigh impatiently and let out a huffy breath as they stood in the kitchen waiting for their turn at the keg.

So far for his $10 he had gotten one slice of pizza and a cup of beer. Bad deal.

"I can't even move," muttered Will to T. "There's a lot of people here."

"It's the place to be at," smiled T, mischievously. He jutted his chin out and motioned to the pretty blonde girl nearby.

Will nodded and half-heartedly smiled at him. He hopelessly tried to move forward towards the keg, but it didn't seem like the mass of people in front of him were going anywhere, anytime soon.

He scanned the kitchen and what he could see of the living room, looking for Sierra and Gabi. They didn't appear to be in the kitchen, but Will couldn't be sure since there were so many people in front of and behind him. And to his sides. There better be enough beer to go around for all these people.

No sign of the girls in the front room, either. But some guys had moved out an empty keg so there was at least more room to move around in that room. Some dancing had even broken out.

"Great party, don't you think?" asked T to the blonde. She turned towards him and smiled shyly.

"Okay. This oughta be great to watch." muttered Will to T, chuckling.

"You go here? To this school?" T asked.

"Yeah, uh huh. I'm a freshman. You?"

"No," said T. "I'm a freshman, too, but from Southern. Yep, college guys. We're just visiting here. Our band was playing a couple shows and we were just in town."

"Wow," said Will quietly. "You think that's how it's done?"

The blonde seemed appropriately impressed. Will remembered that T had mentioned before how much girls love guys in a band; he had said that with Will singing and playing guitar they should form one. Funny story, though, T actually plays nothing.

Another funny story, it looked like T's picking up of the girl actually might be working, which, really, made no sense at all.

Though Will had to admit, the lying looked strangely appealing. The idea of being someone else, even just for this one night, sounded freeing.

"I'm the drummer," he heard T saying. That thought made Will burst with a "ha!" which he had to turn away from the girl and T to release.

When he faced the living room it wasn't Sierra or Gabi that Will saw, but the brown haired, hot guy he had noticed at the dorm earlier in the day. His heart immediately jumped to attention.

He was dancing; unabashedly having fun, paying very little attention to the idea that he might be looking stupid. He didn't though, not to Will. He looked amazing. His hips moved to the music, and Will's eyes skimmed up and down the body admiring every move and muscle.

Then the guy looked right at Will, his dark eyes catching his. Will felt like invisible ropes were looping from one to the other, tying them together, ready to pull them closer. The feeling was overwhelming.

He forced himself to break eye contact and took a deep breath, shuffling his feet forward, inching closer to the keg. He turned so the guy would only be able to see his back. And yet, he thought he could still feel the guy watching him. He couldn't help the thrill that that idea gave him.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

"Sonny! Fun, right?" smiled Linnea, boozy and happy. His roommate staggered a little and he briefly steadied her on her feet.

"Yes, sweetie, fun. A version of," smiled Sonny, patting her. His eyes went over her shoulder though, at the blonde guy standing in the kitchen, with his back to them. "I mean, you saw me dancing, right? I was killing it out there."

"Yes, those dance moves, we were all dying!" laughed Mark as he pushed into them.

And Sonny had been dancing like no one was watching; what he lacked in style he made up for with enthusiasm. As he traveled the room—-dancing shouldn't be done in one spot, just move as the music leads you—he had suddenly locked eye contact with the most beautiful pair of blue eyes he had ever seen. The way this guy looked at him…

What Sonny wanted most in the world right now was to have those eyes on him again. Unfortunately now, Sonny could only study the back of this guy's neck, his shoulders, his backside. Nice backside.

Mark announced, "We're breaking out the kaorke in a sec and you are really gonna shine."

Sonny waved his hands adamantly. "Never, never. Not for me, that's awful stuff. I'm going to have to go hide in the laundry room."

Mark looked annoyed and Sonny shrugged and shook his head.

"Okay, whatever. But make sure you come out front when we do the piñata," he said, grinning.

"Sure," said Sonny.

But as Mark moved further into the crowd, Linnea frowned at Sonny.

"Don't. Go. Near. The piñata."

"Ooookayy…"

"Mark filled it with baked beans! It's gonna be a fucking mess."

Sonny stared at her, in slight disbelief, before breaking out into a laugh. "Wow! That is good to know."

"Have you met Tony, yet? I saw Cathy was here. But I don't see you with anyone."

"I haven't met him so far," shrugged Sonny. "Maybe he's here somewhere…" Was he blonde and gorgeous with blue eyes that could peer right into your soul? No, Cathy said dark hair, darker complexion.

"Well, go meet him! What are you waiting for! You want to have fun, don't you? You want to have a good time tonight? Go get him!"

Linnea meant the sorta-blind-date but Sonny knew what he really wanted to do. What was he waiting for?

Sonny smiled at his friend and excused himself quickly, with a small wink at her, "I am going to follow that advice."


	3. Chapter 3

"Great party, don't you think?"

"Wow," Will declared, turning around to face the speaker. "That is really original. I haven't heard that all night." The first thought in his mind was T, and how he had used it on the blonde. And how it had stupidly worked.

It should not have been his first thought, though, he gulped, realizing. He should have wondered the why-how-what because, seriously, a guy was using this line, on him. He was being hit on by a guy.

He turned to see who was watching—was T tuning in to see this? He wasn't. T seemed too involved in—was he sniffing the girl's neck? Well, she was laughing, so, in some realms that must be acceptable first-ten-minutes-of-meeting behavior. They had fallen out of line for the keg even, and were inching their way to a less compact area of the party.

"Oh, man, critiquing my pick up line?" chuckled the guy talking to him. Will corrected himself, now. Not just a guy. This guy, who he had been seeing since he got onto campus. Dark-haired, incredibly hot, warmest pair of brown eyes ever to look into his.

Will was left without words. But the guy remained generally unfazed.

"I didn't think it was so bad, it's pretty simple and straightforward," he looked genuinely confused. "Okay, you need original? I don't know, so not ones about angels, or like, breakfast comments or…"

Will shook his head.

Sonny paused. Now more cautious, he asked, "Or how about I just say 'Hi, I'm Sonny'? Keeping it classy for you."

Will was stunned. Trapped. Panicked. Curious.

He said slowly, "I'm a classy guy." Then Will swallowed hard. "I'm Will." He looked around at the people sandwiched around him. Everyone seemed pretty engrossed with waiting for the keg, which included texting, flirting, stumbling, laughing. No one seemed to be paying any attention to Will and Sonny.

"Will, I, kinda, noticed you before. When I was...over there…and actually over there…and…" Sonny motioned to all the spots he had been dancing in and smiled broadly at him. "So, I was wondering if you wanted to dance?"

"No." Will said, abrupt. Quick and even rude, perhaps. Something flashed in Sonny's eyes, and although the smile remained Will could see…the doubt? Apology?

Will thought for a moment that he could stop talking. He could let Sonny figure it, move along. He might not even look back. But what if that wasn't what he wanted?

Will hesitantly added, "I mean, I'm almost to this keg here." He held up the empty cup to show him. "I need my money's worth. So far I spent $10 to get in, lost another 10 playing cards in that back bedroom and all I got was one beer and a slice of pizza."

"What? They're playing cards in my room?" Sonny seemed to try to peer through the crowd, down the hall. "Geez."

Will shrugged. "Is it your room? I don't know."

"Oh, never mind about that, I guess." Then he smiled slyly and leaned in, talking in hush tones, " Look, I know where we keep the good stuff. How about I bring you to the real liquor? You just have to follow me."

Just follow me, he had said. This openly gay, gorgeous college guy who seemed so sure of himself. So comfortable in his own skin. Until Will met this guy-this guy who seemed like he might have all the answers-Will had never been so painfully aware of all the questions he had.

Did he have any idea where he was headed? Will took one last look around at the disinterested crowd around him and gave Sonny a small nod.

"Okay," he whispered. "I'll go."

###

"This way," Sonny said, leading Will out the back door and down the poorly lit, damp hall stairs to the laundry room. "Watch your step."

"Yeah, this looks promising," joked Will.

Sonny smiled. It sure did. The guy was gorgeous, hot beyond measure. It was going to be just what Sonny needed. A quick, easy fun night. He was itching to skate his fingers across his jawline, the back of his neck. Work his way under the shirt, work Will out of the shirt….

Were there party people really playing cards in his bedroom? Things could be limited without a bed.

'No, well, maybe, I shouldn't think, who knows how far this guy wants to go, maybe just…'

Sonny tried not to race ahead, forcing his mind to clear. He had reached the bottom of the stairs and he looked back and smiled at Will, whose face unfortunately, was one of trepidation.

"You, uh…" With that look Sonny felt temporarily thrown off course; suddenly doubting his ability to follow through. When was the last time he had "picked up" a guy? His last boyfriend had been the one to pursue him. Not that Sonny had been hard to catch. He had went into that lion's den pretty willingly, hadn't he? It was his own fault he was still nursing the wounds. This guy, Will, looked like all kinds of salvation.

Will looked around the room nervously and Sonny followed his gaze. Sonny tried to see the surroundings with new eyes, as Will might. The laundry room floor was gravel and plastic sheeting. The walls were cinder blocks, and the smell was musty. Not very romantic, he thought with a wince. But they were the only ones down here, so it had something going for it.

"You know, this whole place is cheap, what can I say," Sonny announced. "You live on campus?"

Will shook his head. "No. Umm. Just visiting with some people. Visiting a friend."

"And making new friends," added Sonny. To which Will just shrugged and smirked.

Damn, he wanted to kiss the smirk off him.

Will had mentioned that the "great party line" was something he had just heard. How many people had already tried to hit on him tonight, Sonny wondered. Was he being hit on all the time? My God, look at him, he had his pick of the masses, didn't he?

Sonny led them to a fridge next to the washer and dryer. It had actually had ropes and a combination lock wrapped around it, installed by Mark after the first party they had ever thrown. It had been a sad morning when they discovered the empty bottles of Captain Morgan and Tequila. Mark had declared, "Never again, my friends, never again."

"Nothing like keeping the good stuff to yourself," said Sonny, referring to the Fort Knox that was the fridge. He made quick work of the combo, and pried it open. "What year are you?"

He could see Will fidgeting. Was the small talk annoying? Maybe he just wanted to get to the drinking and the part where their mouths, hands, bodies collided? Because that could work, too, he guessed. The idea of knowing nothing about someone, yet letting them put their hands all over you, that was exciting, right?

Sonny reached into the fridge and picked out beers. "Hmm?" he murmured, encouraging an answer from Will while holding out the bottle.

"Freshman. At Southern," Will said, reaching for what Sonny was offering.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a lie, yes. But here's why it wasn't so bad, reasoned Will.

Because if Will had told Sonny that he was Senior at Salem High, like he was, then that's who he would have to continue to be, see? It's _that_ Will who lives a lie everyday. Pretending to be someone he is not. Pretending with T and Gabi and everyone in their group that he's just as regular as they are. That Will is always being this other person who is trying to fit in.

College Will, a freshmen at a college, in Southern—he had borrowed that from T's lie—would finally be the true version of himself. That Will would be open and honest about who he was. And maybe even find people okay with that.

Yep. Now, was a good time to practice being College Will: open, out, honest.

Sonny pulled out two folding lawn chairs that had been in the back corner and set them down on the uneven laundry room surface and he and Will sat down across from one another. They each popped the caps off the beers and drank.

The conversation started easy , light and natural, Will found much to his surprise. Nervousness was quickly replaced with laughing. Sonny and Will found themselves grinning quite a bit, talking about things like favorite TV shows and the Chicago Cubs-Will was very superstitious and shared with Sonny his theory about how they could finally break the goat curse. They talked about how they hate when people double dip and about their favorite bands.

"Asteroid Crush? You know them?" Will exclaimed.

""Know them? I love them! I saw them live, at The Metro last December!"

"Get out, get out. Me, too," said Will "Can you believe we were both there! I, uh…I felt like…"

"What?"

Will felt goosebumps, up and down his arms. "I dragged my friend Gabi, but she hated them. I don't know anyone at school who likes them. I…" He couldn't finish his words, the thoughts suddenly become too laden with other things. How misunderstood and alone he felt, sometimes.

Sonny just smiled at him, and now Will was lost looking into his gorgeous brown eyes. Sonny didn't make him finish the sentence.

They drank more. They talked more.

Sonny talked about some traveling he had done on his last spring break—and how he wanted to do more during the summer.

Will told Sonny some of his stories about working at The Pub. "The guy who delivers the bread in the morning talks to the bread. I'm not even kidding. He's like, 'Here, you go buns, time to be somebody's dinner, time to fulfill your destiny.'"

"What's wrong with that," asked Sonny, straight-faced. "I believe we all have a destiny."

"Ohhh, okay. Yep, even the buns."

"And the Rye bread," said Sonny.

"Not pumpernickel."

"Even pumpernickel. Especially pumpernickel."

Sonny and Will both got up to get another drink from the fridge, Sonny casually putting his hand on Will's shoulder as they reached it. It felt so good there, Will thought. His touch alone was enough to make Will feel unsteady on his feet. Will looked up at Sonny and fought the urge to push the stray hair off Sonny's face.

"How'd you guys get here from Southern? You staying here all weekend?"

Will paused. "Took a train," (true, from Salem, not the college, but okay) "And we're taking one back tomorrow, so just the one night. "

"Oh," said Sonny. "Just one night."

Sonny didn't move, and Will suddenly could feel the tension in the air. The moment grew heavy with anticipation, and Will felt his breath catch. Sonny said, "Then you should make the most of it."

Will gulped. "Got anything in mind?" Which, of course, as the words spilled out of his mouth, Will knew was an invitation. Even the tone, was there, willing Sonny to make a move. What am I doing? thought Will, almost in a panic. I have no idea what I am doing.

"I could suggest some things. I have some ideas," Sonny beamed, the smile, lighting his whole handsome face and he slowly leaned towards Will, his eyes glancing from Will's eyes to his lips.

Will's mouth hung open, surprised still from himself and what he had said. And his mouth was now empty of words. So empty. Waiting to be filled up, with an expert tongue, maybe.

Sonny came closer, closer still. Could Sonny hear his heart, it was beating so loud, Will wondered. It felt like a construction jackhammer in his chest.

"No."

"No?" asked Sonny, startled.

Will had shocked himself just as much by having said the word. Now he felt more confused than ever. It was too much.

Dodge. Run Away. Quick, diffuse the situation with talking, humor, anything.

"Uh, excuse me," said Will pulling back his head, and making a face.

Sonny stopped moving towards him, cocked his head, quizzically, his happy look fading fast.

"I'm, uh, reading this wrong…?" Sonny asked.

""What? What kind of guy do you think I am?" Will said faking concern. "Gees, kissing someone I just met. I..I , uh…I thought we went over this. I 'm a classy guy. I'm classier than that." Will mustered a smile. Words rearranged themselves in his head. I'm a guy who isn't ready. Why aren't I ready for you? For you, I should be ready.

"Oh," said Sonny. "Sorry 'bout that. I didn't mean to…I just only…"

"You…you can't kiss me, that's not…" The reason was escaping Will. Were they leaning towards each other again, or was that Will's imagination? Maybe the room was spinning. Maybe the beer buzz was becoming more and the drunk was starting to settle in?

"Original?" provided Sonny. "You like original, I remember. And what's more un-original and cliché than messing around with some guy you just met at a party. Got it. So you—you're not the kind of guy who just messes around? Does this with just anybody? You want a relationship, and you are for serious, and you never just kiss at a party, just for fun-" He seemed like he could have gone on for longer, finding a hundred ways to say it, but Will cut him off.

"No, I sure don't," said Will. "I do not just kiss guys at parties just for fun." Honest, but ultimately misleading at the same time, he thought.

Will watched Sonny closely and considered the times in gym class he wouldn't climb the rope ladder for fear of heights, or when his little brother Johnny beat him at Code of War. He had felt dumb at times, but never this dumb. All for telling Sonny not to kiss him.

Will gave a painful smirk and grabbed another beer. Maybe if he could just hang in there, thought Will. Maybe in a couple of hours, he would be able to let the alcohol lower his inhabitations? If only he could be brave enough. Maybe then he would be able to let his lips slide against Sonny's. And maybe Sonny would try to lick his way inside and Will's mouth would part open, wet, needy…

"I just realized, I better go back upstairs," Will said abruptly, trying to snap himself out of this line of thinking. "We've been down here a while, and I better go try to find my friends, before they ditch me, and I have no where to sleep tonight."

"Right," said Sonny, sighing. He took a beer for himself and began locking the fridge back up. With his back to Will, Will stood there, feeling helpless and clueless. He swallowed down hard, trying to ignore, the tears he could feel welling up, his eyes already stinging. He shook his head, desperately trying to get a hold of himself.

Sonny turned around and nodded. If he noticed that Will looked upset, he didn't let on. "I guess I better go see how the party is going, too. Help my roommates out with anything."

The thought of never seeing Sonny again felt like the onset of a panic attack. He blurted out, "Maybe…I don't know. Maybe I'll run into you later then?" Although, after turning him down did he have a right to try to see him again?

"Maybe," said Sonny. A polite smile. Not warm and inviting like before, thought Will with a stab of regret.

Will couldn't help think his chance with Sonny was over. Over before it ever really began. Boy, idiot, thought Will. Of course he feels like I've sent him mixed signals. And now I've convinced him I would never kiss at a party. I've told him I'm not a first-date kiss kind of guy? What the hell. And now Sonny probably felt stupid, he reasoned, and he's not going to try to kiss again later just to possibly be rejected all over again. Damn. Good? Damn.

They climbed the stairs and rejoined the chaos and mass of students (which, thankfully had died down some).

As they were about to part their separate ways into the house, Sonny gently grabbed his elbow and pulled him closer. "Will," he said, conspiratorially and leaned towards him.

Emotions surged inside Will. Thoughts sparked in his mind: Yes, ready or not, kiss me anyway. Please. Fuck it all. Oh God, please. Oh God, yes.

But Sonny spoke instead. "Don't go for the piñata," Sonny said. "Trust me on this."

Then he disappeared into the crowd.


	5. Chapter 5

Sonny slowly walked through the party crowd in the living room, away from Will, repressing the urge to look back at him. He made his way out the front door in an attempt to avoid the karaoke and get some air to clear his head. The party had spilled out front, too, across the yard, into the street, and people were fetching various drinks out of car trunks. Sonny just sat on the front stoop, shaking his head to himself.

Will was not looking for a one night stand, Sonny mused, internally shrugging. Well, or, a one-night anything. He had totally mis-judged that, whoops. Here had been a guy looking for…what? Is Will the kind of guy who only does relationships? Only something meaningful? Really?

"Shoot, he was hot," muttered Sonny, aloud even, because just thinking of his beautiful face, made him want to burst. Talking to him had been easy, too. The flirting had been so fun and natural. His superstitious confessions had been adorable; his bread-guy impression made Sonny chuckle, even now, as he replayed it in his mind.

The whole thing had felt relaxed, like they had been friends for a long time. It felt like they could have been friends for a long time still to come.

Or like they could have (should have) been more.

Six months, Sonny reminded himself. A couple more months, boyfriend-free. Sonny reminded himself of his sound and wise plan to recuperate and make sure he never became that person again. That person who got his heart smashed to bits and pieces and became a giant puddle of a human being.

His Ex had really done a good job fucking him up, huh? Todd, thought Sonny. I can say his name. Can't I?

Sonny was glad to mostly be getting back to who he was before Todd.

Before, Sonny liked to think of himself as confident, self-assured. He was someone who looked for the bright side of things, someone who knew himself and what he wanted. And before, as an underclassman, Sonny once stopped dating a guy who was rude to a waitress; Sonny once called it quits because a guy implied in a joke he had been settling by being with Sonny. He didn't have time to put up with un-kind boyfriends. He could tell them why he was no longer interested and never second guess himself.

The one guy, before, who had broken up with him, heck, they were still friendly. He had met someone else that he felt he had to pursue, and Sonny, had got that. Those things happened. Sonny wished good things for him.

But then Todd. And that awful breakup.

"I don't understand," Sonny had said. "You can't want to break up. Why aren't you happy? I thought we were happy." Sonny had been…begging. There was no other word for it. "Let me….we can talk about it. Tell me what I can do? I can…" He hadn't finished that sentence. He wondered now, was he going to say, change? It hurt like hell to think of himself so pitiful.

Todd was confused about his own feelings; things that were going on in his life he said. "I'm just figuring things out, for the future." Todd said.

"Can I be part of your future?"

Then he had kissed Sonny, hard, possessive and Sonny melted in his arms. Yes, own me. I am yours, thought Sonny, clinging desperately to him, trying to keep up.

Did he want Sonny to get down on his hands and knees and beg to be loved? That certainly would have been a fair assessment of what he wanted, pushing Sonny down to the ground onto his knees, while he stood, unzipping his pants. He had pushed at Sonny, murmured the commands, held his head in place. Sonny knew what Todd wanted, complied, willingly. Desperately. Yes, let me love you. You want me. You need me. You'll keep me.

He broke up with Sonny, for real, twenty-five minutes later.

"I don't understand…we just…but I…" Sonny would never understand. He had questions he would never get the answer to. Had Todd just stopped loving him? Had Todd ever loved him? What parts had been real; what parts in the whole year had meant anything to Todd?

He can still remember heaving in Todd's yard as he left, cursing who he had become. This wasn't him, falling apart like this. This wasn't how he ever was, or wanted to be again. That night he had already been forming a plan to remain boyfriend-less for the coming months.

And meanwhile?

Meanwhile, he might find someone who wanted a strings-free good time. Someone like him, just looking for a distraction.

Let's be the most honest, thought Sonny, slamming the beer. He was going to be the one to take control and make a sex act have no meaning, this time on purpose instead of accidental. Sonny was sick of being the victim in that story, that's for sure. He was going to find a good time, with a person who wanted the same thing, and no one would need to get hurt.

Afterwards, well, maybe…maybe he could do a relationship again?

He looked up at some people, forcing a smile, and waving at some party-goers who he knew from Econ class. A petite curly haired girl jumped to attention, and her bright, surprised smile flashed at him.

Oh, it was Cathy. She instantly grabbed the hand of a slim, dark haired guy from the circle of people and the two began walking over.

"Sonny! You have to meet Tony. Tony, this is Sonny who I told you all about!"

###

"Just how drunk are you, Gabi?"

She was drinking straight from the Boone's Farm wine bottle and smiling pleasantly at him with half-closed eyes. She looked comfortable in what should have been an uncomfortable position on a bean bag chair in the living room. Will settled for sitting cross-legged on the floor next to her.

"I see you got a hook up, as well," she smiled, yawning wide. She took the bottle and raised it in a "cheers" motion to him. Will made a similar gesture with his beer. If the words, "hook-up" caused him to flinch, Gabi wouldn't notice.

"Party is dying down some, that's good," she said. "It was too crowded before."

"I know, I couldn't even move at one point."

"Dan's sister brought us a bunch of wine coolers and Boone's Farm, so that was sweet."

"Who is Dan?"

"Sierra's boyfriend. Geez, Will. They're coming back, they went to go get some more from Dan's car. Where'd you get your beer from?" She took another big swig of the Strawberry Hill.

"This guy," Will said with a shrug.

Gabi smiled at him. She's pretty drunk thought, Will. Gabi decided that she wanted to tell him about their Calculus teacher's twitter posts from last week and how hilarious they were, but Gabi was too drunk to remember what they had said. Somehow the new menu items at the Brady Pub came up and Gabi went on a bit about some of their regular customers. It stopped making sense, but she seemed to like to hear herself talk.

Will couldn't concentrate on a word of it. If he went back to the laundry room, would Sonny be there? Well, then Will would say, "You were waiting here for me?" And Sonny would say, "How could I not?" and Will knew he always wanted someone who could wait for him. Then? Then, thought Will.

"Hey, Will."

"Hey, Gabi."

"You look sad. Are you sad?"

"I'm okay, Gabs. I'm fine. Are you good?"

"I'm great!"

Will laughed, and nodded. He clearly needed to catch up, then. He drank from his beer, but nearly choked when Gabi asked pointedly. "Hey, Will, how come you and I never dated?"

Slowly, he tried to answer her. "Gabi. Gabi. You and I are good friends. We're buds. Okay?"

"That's right," she smiled. "We are. But Will." And now she leaned at him, though she couldn't get too far , as she was pretty stuck in the beanbag chair. "You know I would love you no matter what, right? You know, no matter what you tell me or who you are or whatever, that's okay, right?"

"Of course," Will said in a small voice. "I…uh, you, Gabi. I feel the same about you."

"But it's not like I'm gay, Will. I'm just saying. If you are, I mean, I think, if you want to tell me, then I think I would just say, I know. You know? And it's all good. Because I already know, and we're good. I'm good. I know."

And, Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Gabi when she is drunk. For crying out loud. Will couldn't respond. He chugged his beer, trying to process. He drank the bottle dry and stared at her helplessly.

How much would she remember in the morning?

"Gabi. Um, if I was gay, I'm glad you'd be okay with it. Because…because I would need someone to be. But-"

"Everyone would be okay with it Willsie, we love you. And we know. I know. I already know." Gabi whispered one more time, "I know."

"Yes, thank you, I caught the part where you think you already know."

"But happiness, Will, we all deserve it. No one not wants you not to not be happy."

"What? Forget it, I know what you meant."

"No one wants you to not be happy," she said again, slowly, concentrating on getting the words right.

"No just me, I'm my own worst enemy," said Will. Maybe he was getting drunker, too? The beer was empty, so he reached over and took the bottle of Boone's Farm from Gabi. He put the bottle to his lips and gulped some down. Gross.

He said, "What if I had a chance at something, but I didn't take it? Because I was stupidly afraid? I don't even know of what! I wanted to, I really did. But I blew it. I completely blew it. And now, all I'm going to be thinking is of what I should have done. The chance I should have taken, but didn't."

"Then you know," she said. "You know what you want to do and you should do it while there is still time so that you can do that and that you did it. And Will. I know."

Sierra and some guy she was holding hands and kissing, were in the living room now, carrying a couple bottles of wine coolers and coming over by him and Gabi.

Holding hands and kissing, thought Will. He wanted it for himself, he admitted. A lot, actually. Why wait? He desperately wanted to try it. With Sonny.

Will startled. "I should, shouldn't I? He almost leaped to his feet. "Hey, Sierra, make sure you keep an eye on Gabi, she's pretty drunk, now okay?"

"That's my Boone's Farm, sweetie, I need that back," said Gabi.

Will smiled at Gabi and handed her back the bottle, while Sierra and her boyfriend agreed to stay with her.

"Piñata time!" yelled a voice from just outside the front door, urging people to move outside for the festivities. He could see T emerging from the kitchen, his arm slung over the blonde's shoulder.

T caught Will's eye and smiled. "Coming?" called T. He grinned at Will and the others expectantly.

"Pass," said Will, going the opposite direction. He wanted—needed-to find Sonny.


	6. Chapter 6

"I really am not in the mood," said Sonny, somberly.

He was looking at the piñata that Mark was setting up. Cathy had wandered back to her other friends and it was just him and Tony standing on the stoop.

"Yeah, I don't want to see it, either. Bunch of drunk fuckers with bats and blindfolds, oh, Lordy."

"You don't even know."

Tony tapped Sonny's shoulder and gave him a playful smile. "Let's go somewhere, okay? We can—"

"We can talk, I guess," said Sonny. He didn't want to take him to the laundry room, he thought instantly. But then he didn't want to examine that thought further. "You know what? Maybe they're still playing cards in my bedroom? You like cards?"

"They're playing cards in your bedroom?"

"They were," he shrugged. Will had said he lost $10. Sonny sighed. "Come on."

Sonny led the way in to the house, walking against traffic, as several groups of people were trying to come outside.

Tony grabbed Sonny's arm as soon as they stepped in. Sonny frowned and looked down at it, not really caring for the intensity of the touch.

"Which way's your bedroom, handsome?"

He looked quizzically at Tony, wondering why he was stopping him. "This way," Sonny motioned, pointing towards beyond the kitchen.

"Then let's go this way." And he pulled Sonny up the stairs. "Sounds like your room might have a crowd." Sonny numbly followed Tony, watching him as he curiously poked his head in the first door. It was Linnea's bedroom, across the way from the upstairs bathroom.

"No one is here," Tony said. "Just how we need it." He went into the bedroom, neverminding that it didn't belong to either of them. Neverminding that he had no permission. He watched Tony absentmindedly toss aside Linnea's Cookie Monster stuffed animals, and sat on the bed, like he did it everyday. He leaned back against the headboard and smiled expectantly at Sonny.

Sonny stayed by the doorframe. He wanted to tell Tony to get his shoes off Linnea's butterfly bedspread. But he also didn't want to tell the guy to start undressing.

"Come over here," said Tony. He patted the side of the bed next to him.

Sonny contemplated moving. What he wanted to do if he got over there, was pick up the poor stuffed animals he just threw on the floor. Linnea really took good care with these childhood guys, and always had them looking comfortable on her bed during the day. But Sonny also didn't want to even come closer.

"You want to talk?" asked Sonny. He didn't move.

Tony shrugged indifferently.

From downstairs in the living room, Sonny could suddenly hear his favorite Asteroid Crush song begin playing. The sound was muffled and distant, but it might as well have been blaring in Sonny's head.

'I'm an idiot,' thought, Sonny. Oh my god, oh my god, I'm an idiot. He was replaying the scene in his mind: Will telling him he doesn't just kiss for fun and games. Sonny instantly pulling away and blowing him off.

How cold could Sonny have been?

No, that's not how it went, did it? Will had decided not to kiss him and then he was the one who wanted to leave the laundry room, right? Maybe he wasn't interested, reasoned Sonny. He just wasn't into me, so he said that, excused himself…

That didn't seem right. He had been interested, hadn't he? There had been a connection, there, Sonny was sure of it.

I'm not that kind of guy, Will had said. And what had Sonny done? Quit everything, like Will wasn't worth the investment. Basically, Sonny had said with his actions, well, then, goodnight, let's not waste our time anymore. Will had told him there would be no kissing. Then Will, the considerate guy that he was, had been the one to let the situation go, to say he had to get back to his friends.

He just wanted to give Sonny a chance to go find someone else, then, to go hit on, since he wouldn't be giving him what he wanted, he figured. He gave him this out, and Sonny had taken it. Talk about being a jerk.

Sonny didn't say what he should have said. He didn't say, that's alright, I like talking to you, let's just do that. He should have. It was true.

He would rather be talking to Will right now and NOT kissing him, than kissing anybody else.

To hell with his plan even though it was super well-thought-out ('Not, really, was it? It had a bunch of holes didn't it, Sonny?' he chastised himself) It wasn't the time to think about boyfriends or exes or anything other thing that got in the way of what he wanted right now. Right now, he just wanted to see Will again.

"I gotta go," he said to Tony. "I'm a jerk."

Now, he felt like a double-jerk for what he was doing to Tony.

Tony's smile only flickered for a second. Then he smiled easy, as he swung his legs over the side, still staring at Sonny. "Okay, I guess. No biggee."

"I thought…when I talked to Cathy, I thought I knew what I wanted. But that might not be it, anymore. And..I just.."

"Fine," said Tony. "It's fine, really."

"Look, it's not you. I have to actually go talk to someone right now…"

"Really," said Tony getting up and coming in front of Sonny. "You can stop apologizing. It's not a big deal. Go ahead."

Sonny left. He needed to find Will.


	7. Chapter 7

"You…uh, you're in my bedroom," said Sonny, his voice going a bit hoarse.

"It's not what it looks like," said Will quietly. He was standing there, dumb and caught off-guard.

"What does it look like?"

Will glanced nervously around the room. The card game had cleared out, and though the card table, chairs, empty cups, spilled snacks remained, the people were gone. Now Will was caught just standing in Sonny's room, alone-a little stalker style, right?

"I'm not sure," he said nervously.

"Were you looking to get lu—were you chasing your money? Hoping to get your $10 back?"

Looking. Chasing. Hoping.

"You," was the one word Will managed to breathe out. "I was…trying to find you? I had been…" Talk about gambling. Will felt like he was wagering everything he had. Putting it all in. Please, don't let me lose this. "Thinking..." His chest tightened.

"I was thinking about you, too. I was upstairs…and I realized…Well, hey, I heard my favorite Asteroid Crush song. What are the chances?" He smiled warmly.

Will squirmed. Pretty good, thought, Will. Seeing as he commandeered the stereo player, with briefly hooking up his iPhone to play that song. 'He had heard it,' thought Will and he felt like he might jump out of his skin.

It was after he came back from checking the laundry room for Sonny. There had been people down there, two figures, in the shadows, pressed up by the appliances, and it was too dark for Will to see who from the stairs. Will was slightly embarrassed to admit that he moved quietly towards them, wanting to get close enough to make sure that the couple—okay, when he could see it was a guy and it a girl, he could breathe. It hadn't been Sonny with someone else.

He mentally laughed at himself, and quietly slunk back up the stairs. Sonny wasn't in the sparse kitchen crowd. (Will noted that this keg must be empty, too, now as there was much more room.) Sonny was still not in the living room, and he very purposefully ignored whatever seemed to be going on with Gabi, Dan and Sierra over there. He was a man on a mission.

Maybe he had gone outside, despite his warning to stay away from the piñata? Thankfully, the karaoke had been short-lived and had ended. ' 'Gosh, I hate karaoke,' he murmured to himself. And with that thought he had hijacked the music.

An S.O.S. to Sonny, in a small way, he supposed.

While it played, though, he stepped out onto the porch and scanned outside. It was entirely possible Sonny was out there, as there were quite a lot of people hanging around, he thought. From the looks of it, the piñata was still intact and folks were still milling about under it, just about ready to crack it open. He nearly stepped off the porch and into the chaos to find him, reluctantly.

'Oh!' Will thought with a moment of inspiration, 'of course!' He hadn't checked Sonny's bedroom, yet. He grabbed his iPhone on the way back in and went to that back bedroom.

That's when Sonny had walked in and found him. He might have just been standing there alone in it a couple seconds, looking over Sonny's bedroom. Examining the room for evidence of who Sonny was; running his hand along the foot of the bed and wondering what he was exactly afraid of when it came to kissing this gorgeous guy. He was there a minute or two. Five, tops. Either way.

He stood, fidgeting now, shifting from foot to foot.

"So, about earlier—"said Will, gathering courage.

What he wanted to say rushed to mind but stalled in his throat. 'Could you try again? Please? I don't think I'll say no this time, I don't think I'll pull away.' Will licked his lips, almost tasting the kiss already. 'I think I'll like it. '

"I don't need to kiss you," Sonny blurted out. "I mean, wait, let me explain. I'm not going to try to kiss you."

"You're not," said Will flatly.

"No. But I thought we could-I don't know? Talk some more. I liked talking to you. I liked just being with you. And I want to keep talking to you the rest of the night. Does that sound weird? Am I freaking you out, because you are looking at me really funny."

Will shook his head.

"See," he continued, "It's just, I don't know. Do you think there was something here? Because I think there might be something. I believe it. And if you believe there's something, too, well, then I thought maybe we could just hang out some more. I mean, I think I might like you and yeah. Just talking. Getting to know each other more. "

Will nodded, his mind going blank.

"I'm really starting to lose it here. So, could you maybe say something?"

"S-something," said Will.

Sonny started to shake his head at what he must have thought was an obvious joked, but then Will spoke, more, his voice sounding ragged, "I believe…there's…something."

Sonny was looking at him with such a look of hopefulness, such a look of fondness, that Will's eyes practically burned, and he took a step, closing the distance between them. He leaned in close, brushing his lips against Sonny's in a soft, chaste kiss.

Oh, thought Will. That was perfect.

Sonny shuffled just a couple inches back and smiled tentatively at him. "You don't have to," said Sonny.

But then Will's hands cupped his face. He felt his breath hitch and his heart throbbed hard, as he reached in for another kiss. The kiss became a delicious cocktail of gentleness and precise desire.

As Will lowered his hands and reached around Sonny's back, pulling him in tight, closer, Sonny deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding into Will's mouth and he took control in one sure stroke. An embarrassing whimper escaped from Will as the intensity of the kiss increased. He bit back more groans while then keeping pace with Sonny, thoughts racing about how incredibly well matched they felt.

Made to fit together, thought Will.

The moment was shattered in an instant. "Sonny! There you are!" A girl bust into the room, obliterating everything good, thought Will.


	8. Chapter 8

Will panicked and leaped out of Sonny's arms, flying into the card table and nearly knocking over a folding chair. While the taste of the kiss was fresh on his lips, and he was still left panting for breath, Will vigorously shook his head at Sonny and then the girl. Sonny frowned at him.

Was he upset with Will's knee-jerk reaction to pull so far away? Perhaps, Will thought. He ducked his head a little, shamefully.

"Sonny, I was looking for you like crazy!" the girl said. She was obviously upset, possibly drunk, definitely had horrible-timing, thought Will. "There's some really pissed off guy who didn't like Mark's baked beans piñata thing, and Kendi and I are afraid Mark's gonna get himself beat up at this rate. This guy is saying he's gonna kick his ass, and he's like 6 foot tall and huge. Can you come?"

Sonny didn't hesitate to follow the girl out the door, but he managed to exchange a look with Will.

"I'll come, too," said Will decidedly. If Sonny had someone's back, Will would have Sonny's, he thought without reservation.

She rambled as they walked, "…I guess, what, there's baked beans all over his girlfriend's shoes and he's being a total dick about it…"

"He filled the piñata with baked beans?" asked Will, trying to keep up with the story. And that's why Sonny had told him to stay away? Will couldn't help the way the corner of lips turned up while he looked at Sonny.

They exited the bedroom, briskly walked through the kitchen—

"Will!" exclaimed Sierra, from the corner of the living room, "Come here, come here, come here…" Standing by Dan, she motioned downwards at Gabi laying on the floor, "Help us out!"

Sonny turned briefly around to look at Will. "It's fine. You go. This will be no big deal, because I'm just going to calm this guy and get him out of here, and then I'll be right back."

"Okay," said Will reluctantly. Then he mumbled the last word quietly, maybe Sonny didn't even hear it: "Careful."

Did he have a trace of a smile? "Yeah. It's fine," he said, waving it off. He paused. "Don't leave?"

Will looked over at his friends, hoping fiercely that they couldn't tell anything was happening between him and Sonny. He gave a tight nod. Then he joined his friends.

"Is Gabi okay?" Will asked, squatting down to look at her. She was out of the bean bag chair now. And Gabi looked miserable clutching her middle and twisting on the floor. She looked at him, pathetically.

"One minute she was fine, the next she was a mess! She just drank too much," said Sierra. "She says she's sick. She only had two bottles of Boone's Farm, and that's like, light weight stuff."

Gabi moaned, "My stomach, oh my god, my stomach hurts, you guys, I think I might have drank too much."

"Maybe," agreed Will.

"My R.A. just got here," said Dan, looking at the text on his phone. "He just pulled up, in the alley around the back way, and we'll get a ride to the dorms."

"I don't feel so good," cried Gabi. Will patted her head sympathetically and got her to her feet. Dan and Will, on either side of Gabi, lugged her through the house and out the back.

T said he had gotten the text about Gabi that Sierra had sent him and showed up in the alley just in time to see them off. He was still with the blonde and announced that since the party was just about over here, the two of them were headed for some food.

"Just eat from the baked beans on your shirt," smiled Will, pointing the small stain out.

T gave Will a dirty look.

"You can come get food with us, too," the blonde said to Will.

"No, you can't," said T.

Will chuckled. "I'm good, thanks anyway."

T left saying he'd catch up with them later. "Maybe in the morning," he grinned and whispered to Will, so the blonde couldn't hear. Will looked at the blonde blush. She might have heard anyway.

Dan and Will got Gabi settled and buckled into the backseat, and Sierra slid in next to her. Will told his friends he'd see them in a while, and he would just walk back later. Neither of them, thankfully, were that interested in why he was staying; Sierra was too busy telling Gabi that she better not be puking on her floor tonight. Dan was telling his R.A. about the party he missed while playing sober taxi driver for the night.

"Oh, okay, remember, go to the dorm right across from mine," said Sierra to Will. "I'll give Dan your bag so it's there."

"Sierra will text you my room and phone number, call when you get in and you need to be checked in," Dan told him before he left.

Will strode around front to see if Sonny had managed to diffuse the fight yet. He reasoned that he must have, because as Will made his way over there, no real situation was currently happening. Seemed most people were headed elsewhere. He saw the remnants of the broken piñata and puddles of baked beans, and a car that was badly coated in the slop, but didn't see Sonny.

He entered the front door and considered sitting, and trying to get comfortable, but he felt so nervous he thought he could leap out of his body. He stood instead. Should he be here? Should he be waiting? And yet, when he thought back to kissing Sonny in his room—telling him he thought there was something between them—that was worth the wait.

Two girls sat on the couch that was still pushed against the wall, and a smattering of people walked, staggered, crawled, in and out of the room. It seemed just a handful of people remained in the party.

Will could hear the two girls on the couch talking. "Are you drunk?" the girl asked the other, giggling. From the way they were slouching, and red-faced Will would say so. But they weren't asking him.

"Who's going to clean this up?" asked the curly haired girl of the other.

"Mark won't. Me and Sonny will be stuck."

Will tried not to make eye contact, but he couldn't help being intensely alert at the mention of Sonny's name.

"Did Sonny get lucky, is that where he is?"

"Highly likely," said the curly haired girl. "I saw them together earlier, so I bet."

Will's insides lurched.

"Good! He so needed it."

"I know, hilarious. He just needs to get laid, right? Earlier he' s all make sure your friend knows. Sonny's all, 'no strings, okay? Nothing serious or deep or anything.' He just wanted a good time. That guy."

"I don't blame him. Good for him, you know?"

"Yep, whatever. It's just funny."

It wasn't funny at all.

"Can I just say? Mark sucked so bad tonight. That piñata, what an id—"

Will tensed up. Air, he needed more air. Air that wasn't in this room. Air miles away would be better. Will's mind raced in a hundred different directions. He only caught fragments of ideas. Jealousy? Disgust? Disappointment. Hurt. Not all of the feelings were legit, and yet there they were. You could say he shouldn't have them, thought Will, but that wasn't getting rid of them.

He's light years ahead of me, Will couldn't help thinking, finally finishing a thought. Here, I am tonight having a first kiss and he's…not.

A future with Sonny? Was that what he was hoping for? Because what could he expect, that after tonight they were going to…what? See? There was no future, it was just what it was. And he could stick around for some more of the fun.

Fun. Yeah, that was over, that didn't seem possible right now.

"Which way towards Haynie Hall?" he asked the girls.

The first girl smiled lopsided and motioned to the curly haired girl, "Haynie! Cathy works there!"

"Just go out the door, and to your left." She said. "Haynie is on 10th and Pine."

"You going to be okay—you aren't driving are you? How drunk are you?"

Not nearly enough, Will wanted to say. Not enough for it to not hurt. Not enough to pretend your conversation didn't happen. I'll remember the entire night. Nope, thinking clearly. He didn't answer them and he didn't want to stick around to say goodbye.


	9. Chapter 9

Sonny was getting concerned that he couldn't find Will anywhere. He had checked everywhere. The bathrooms were empty, he wasn't in the laundry room—though he had interrupted a very busy couple who then seemed immensely embarrassed about being caught on Sonny's dryer machine. As it should be. The things they were doing need to be done behind a door that locks. Sonny tried to shake the mental image and return to the task at hand.

Sonny had checked his bedroom, up the stairs in both Mark's room, Linnea's room—only stopping briefly to put the stuffed animals back in their right places. He checked out back, peeked in the alley, came back around front.

Though he was almost certain Will was not around the front yard or street, because that's where Sonny had come from.

It had been easy enough to talk to the guy and get him to calm down; Sonny had just reasoned with the girlfriend and she took care of the rest. Only, Sonny thought he might have to actually keep a shopping date with her later in the week to help her find even cuter, new shoes, but fine. The girl and their friends had gotten the guy to leave and Mark sheepishly thanked Sonny.

"I'm just hoping I can pick up right where I left off before we were interrupted," said Sonny, who had grinned helplessly at the thought. He briefly talked to Mark about meeting Will while they went about a necessary clean-up, "Well, first I noticed he was watching me dance."

"And he liked that?"

"And our eyes met, and he…hey! My dancing really impressed him, I think!"

Sonny and Mark went through the gate of their neighbor's house, and unhooked their neighbor's hose, just to borrow it so that they could clean off their other neighbor's car. They were hosing it down, cleaning up some of the big pieces of the piñata and returning the hose.

"Anyway, then Cathy introduced me to Tony, and he was just ready to get down to it, I guess, but…"

"Yeah, I still don't get why you want to do that."

"Mark, we've been over this. I'm gay so I like to be with…"

"Shut the fuck up, that's not what I meant," said Mark.

"Anyway," said Sonny, "Tony was good-looking, fine, all that, but I was thinking of Will, you know? He's something…well, I don't know. Maybe there's something there." Just talking about it, he couldn't stop smiling like an idiot for whatever reason.

The whole thing had taken longer than he would have liked, but he hoped Will could have waited and just gotten comfortable somewhere.

Will wouldn't have left would he? Will's friends that Sonny had noticed, the ones who had been in the living room and called him over, weren't anywhere either, so it really could be possible.

He stood baffeled in the living room and looked helplessly at Linnea and Cathy who were almost to the point of passed out, he thought.

"Okay, you guys: gorgeous blonde haired guy. Blue shirt. Seen him?"

"Sonny, Sonny, Sonny!" said Linnea draped over the couch, practically on Cathy's lap. She was even boozier than before. "We were just talking about you! So please, I must know, did you hook up with Tony?"

"Yeah, where's Tony? We were saying , good for you! How hot did you think he was, hmmm?" asked Cathy, grinning widely while she twirled Linnea's hair in her fingers.

"Ah…yeah, nice. But, it didn't work out. It's kind of a long story." Sonny would have to explain and apologize to Cathy in more detail. Later.

He said, "The guy? The blonde? Yes, No?"

The girls looked at him and laughed like he had made a really great joke.

"Girls, I am serious. Linnea, look at me. Wow, you are drunk. Did you see the guy or not?"

"Yeah, he was here! In the living room with us."

"Okay, Cool!" Sonny smiled, relieved, his shoulders releasing some tension. "So, do you know where he went?"

Cathy grimaced. "Yeah, I think he left. He looked like he left."

"H-he left? With his friends?"

"No, he was alone," said Linnea, now closing her eyes and resting her head on the couch shoulder.

"He left?"

"Yep."

"Just like that?"

Cathy looked up at him, a serious expression. "Why didn't things work out with Tony? He's cute, he's funny. I know he was all good to go."

Sonny slumped down on the chair across from them. Gone? Will had just left? Sonny shook his head, thinking now how they hadn't exchanged numbers, and he didn't even know his last name or who had brought them to the party.

It felt like a crushing blow to have had him just up and disappear. He let out a thousand-pound sigh and stared up at the ceiling. That was that, he supposed. Will had just taken off.

End of story.

"I know, I'll keep saying it, Sonny. Just go for it, hang out with Tony and don't think too hard," said Linnea.

Sonny's eyes narrowed as he looked at his friends.

"Wait, when you say you were just talking about me and Tony, I'm wondering. Was that guy—Will—was he here? What did you say? Do you think he heard you?"

Linnea lifted her head up and looked at Cathy, with a slightly guilty expression.

"Maybe," said Linnea softly.

Then they admitted to Sonny what they remembered saying and Sonny could only groan.

He had dug his own grave, earlier when arranging a meeting with Tony through Cathy. No, the grave began, with the plan. Stupid plan, right. He had no idea what could be going on in Will's head after hearing the information, but obviously he didn't even want to give Sonny a chance to explain, so it must be bad.

Nail, coffin, dead, buried.

"Wait, I remember! He asked the way towards Haynie hall," said Linnea. "You could just go find him there!"

"And what? Just show up?" asked Sonny, hopelessly. "I mean, he left. If he wanted to talk to me, he could have. He would have. But I guess he didn't. Which, fine. It was just one night anyway, it's not like it…" Sonny's voice caught on the words. "Like it was something. It was nothing."

His mind wandered back to the laundry room with Will and how they had shared laughs. He thought of Will's smile, and the intense electricity he felt when they were kissing.

"Haynie?" Sonny asked.

"He's not staying there, though," said Cathy, sadly. "It's an all girl's dorm and after midnight he can't be there, so…so I don't know."

"Oh. He might have just been going in that direction," said Linnea, coming from the couch, crawling over to Sonny and sitting on the floor, beside him. She leaned against his legs and looked up at him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

He looked at her and swallowed hard. "I am, too."


	10. Chapter 10

It probably wouldn't have been any better on a bed.

Will had had a restless, uncomfortable and miserable sleep on Dan's floor, but it was the racing thoughts and regrets that bothered him more than the hard surface. When he finally fell asleep, T had called to be let into Dan's room, and Will had to start all over. Only this time he had T's snoring to deal with.

They hadn't really gotten moving until noon despite the fact that they had originally planned on going to breakfast and possibly seeing a movie before they had to catch the 3:00 train that afternoon. So much for that, Will thought.

Maybe if Sierra didn't already have plans, and T could have gotten off of work…Maybe if Will hadn't been scheduled to work in the pub, tomorrow—the place would be crowded for the game—they would have originally planned to stay another night. Will wondered what he would have done with that extra day. But it was just as well.

Over lunch in a nearby diner, Will could see that Gabi was the worst physically, as she had still been throwing up intermittently and was generally unhappy. He felt awful for her, and she couldn't even eat. And Will badly wanted to have a conversation with her about last night's "I know" business, but today was not the day. At least he was pretty sure she wasn't going to say anything to anybody today, as she was not in the mood to talk. At all.

There had been one moment during the day where Will had thought, 'maybe'. Maybe he could fix this and at least talk to Sonny before he left. It had been stupid to leave without saying anything to him. Or it had been stupid to leave, period.

It was when Dan said he had to go walk back to where he had left his car outside of the party, last night.

"I'll go with, keep you company," Will blurted out, before he could think it through. Just hoping for a glance, a chance. Hoping to see Sonny.

Funny how last night all Will could concentrate on was what those girls had said about Sonny; what kind of person was he really? And what kind of match could they actually be? But this morning he remembered the kiss. And the way Sonny had looked at him, right before it.

But then Dan had a study group he had to meet up with at the last minute and decided he'd just get the car later. When Will suggested to Sierra she should be a good girlfriend and they should just all go get it for him, she wasn't having it.

Admit that it is over, thought Will. Just admit it.

Now, they were a motley crew, dragging themselves through the train station building.

Sierra had agreed to come to the train station just to see them off. Personally, Will thought you could tell she was as done with them. Hung-over-Gabi was no fun. Even T seemed on edge as well, and Will made a mental note to talk with him later and find out how things had turned out with the blonde.

Meanwhile, as he lugged his bag, Will was mentally beating himself up, for the hundredth time that day . Why had he just let the conversation get in his head and fuel his insecurity? Now, it was too late. For anything.

This is how it would have ended, anyway, he reminded himself. Sonny still here, and Will on a train back to Salem. No matter what he would have had last night—it hurt too much to think about what he gave up, so he didn't—it still would have ended with nothing.

'Nothing' would have replaced 'something' regardless. Still, if he had given it a chance…

He should have given it a chance.

They had some minutes until the train would get there and collapsed in a corner to wait.

That's when Will saw him.

"Oh my god, he's here," said Will at the sight of Sonny. He crossed the large room quickly, but when he got up close he stopped just short of hugging him. He did look so damn, gorgeous, even more in the light of day than he had the night before. "Why—how are you here?"

"You ran out," said Sonny.

"I know. About that," Will could feel his pulse quicken, his breath catch. His heart felt like it was expanding. "I'm really sorry, I just…"

"No, I'm really sorry," said Sonny. "Look, what you heard, that was…that sounds horrible but I can explain it if you want."

Will shook his head. "It's fine," he said. "I—I have to get on a train in a few minutes. I'm not looking for any big explanations. I just..seeing you…"

"Meeting you, Will, I mean, you've got to believe me, that meeting you, sorta changed things for me. And it's not exactly like you heard, I think…"

Will nodded. "It's fine. I'm glad you came, I felt so stupid this morning. And…How—how did you know what time our train was?"

Sonny paused and looked at him in, taking a deep breath.

"You know I don't even know your last name," Sonny said, instead of answering the question. "I don't have your number. And I didn't know where you went last night. About the only thing I knew was that you were taking a train back today."

Will smiled as Sonny continued, "And the thing is, the first train leaves at 6 am. And while I was pretty sure you weren't going to be on it, the only way to know for sure is to have been here."

"You've been here since then?" laughed Will.

"Yep. And I stayed. In case you were on the 8 or the 10:30, or the noon…all the way up until now," shrugged Sonny, bashfully. "Oh my god, this is embarrassing. Is that…? You probably think…"

He's incredible, Will thought. Will smiled, and Sonny stopped mid-sentence and smiled back.

"Here. Also, I bought you something this morning."

Sonny handed Will a bakery bag and inside was a wrapped bagel.

Will arched his eyebrows, still in awe. "You've been here since six a.m., with a bagel, waiting to catch me before I board a train?"

"It's destiny," said Sonny, with a tiny shrug. "That pumpernickel bagel had a destiny."

Will looked at the bagel flavor, and then at Sonny. This might be what the beginning of falling in love actually feels like, thought Will.

"Even pumpernickel," he said, trying to keep his tone light.

"Especially pumpernickel," said Sonny in reply, with the most beautiful smile Will had ever seen. The train whistle blared loudly from a distance, calling out its arrival to the station, while Sonny's eyes looked deep into his, as if searching for something, Will thought.

"Will?" He paused just a moment. "Can I ask you something?"


	11. Chapter 11

###

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," said Will, his eyes blown wide, darting from Sonny's eyes to Sonny's mouth.

"I, uh…can I have your number? Maybe…"

Will's gaze wandered over to his friends, and Sonny looked as well. There were two girls, he recognized vaguely from the party. The one sitting, wrapping herself in a jacket, sprawled on the floor, was clearly still struggling with party-recovery. The other girl sat cross legged next to her, texting. Both were obviously not interested in what Will was doing.

However, the male friend, the shorter, brown haired guy who was sitting on a bench nearby the girls, stared at Will and Sonny so intensely he might have been trying to set them on fire with his eyes. What the hell, wondered Sonny, briefly. He shook it off and looked back at Will.

Will looked back at Sonny, saying nothing.

"No?" asked Sonny,trying to prompt a response from Will.

Complete and utter silence from himl, and Sonny was at a loss. Okay, then. He had perhaps, read way too much into one kiss and a chance meeting at a party.

But Will looked hopelessly at his friends again, who were now getting to their feet and gathering their bags to board the train.

"Will!" called the less hung-over girl while standing with the guy staring them down and extremely-hung over girl. They motioned him over, indicating the train's arrival. Will nodded at them agitated and sharp, and then they started moving towards loading the train without him.

"You gotta go," said Sonny plainly. "They're waiting for you." Oh, for crying out loud. Will wasn't interested in more, Sonny was a fool, and that sums it up, he thought.

"I hope you had a good time," said Sonny. The sadness, seemed to be enveloping him now. ' I am way overtired', he reasoned. He mumbled, 'Enjoy that bagel'. ' Safe trip home.'

Sonny said, "I think I'm gonna leave now."

###

Boarding.

Lugging overnight bag, heavier somehow than it was in the beginning of the trip. Slinging it on the rack, wondering if it fits. It has to fit. It fit on the way here.

Sitting.

Hanging partly in the aisle, next to Gabi, across from T. Hating the scrutinizing eyes on him while fiddling with a closed up bakery bag, getting more won between his fingers as the trip goes on.

Regretting.

Getting further and further away from what he wants. What he could have. What he should have. Wondering, what if.

That's only if Will would have went on the train. He saw it all so clearly in his mind, all the details.

But Sonny said, "I think I'm gonna leave now."

Will, finally speaking, said, "Well, I can't let you go yet."

# # #

"Don't worry about it," Will said to a baffled, speechless T whose questions hung unanswered. The last person he wanted to talk to about anything with was T; he avoided even looking at him as he turned to Gabi.

"I'll explain later," he said to her, but her face said she had a head start. Her hands were fairly full so gave him a one-armed hug and said she'd somehow cover his shift tomorrow at The Pub. If she was still alive, she said with a smile.

"No, I'm fine," he said to a confused Sierra when he went off in the opposite direction, with, in her estimation, a stranger.

"I traded my train ticket now for the latest departure," Will said to Sonny. "For tomorrow."

"Okay," said Sonny, staring at him, almost cautiously, Will thought. "Okay."

# # #

For just a moment he had to think about where he was.

The strong smell of stale beer and the unmistakable ribbed tweed material under his fingers confirmed for him that he had fallen asleep on their living room couch. But he was enjoying someone's lap as pillow and gentle fingers carded through his hair.

He was with Will. Just the thought of him made him feel like knots he didn't know he had inside of himself, were coming loose.

"…but then see, it was all just because he had this awful breakup," said Linnea. "I mean, devastating. He was a mess."

Sonny peeked open his eyes and looked at her. She sat across from them on the rocker, talking to Will.

"That fuckin' asshole Todd, I wanted to kill him. Sonny deserved better than that shit by a mile," confirmed Mark, coming from the kitchen and handing Will a beer for the hand that wasn't in Sonny's hair.

Sonny sat up, blinking in disbelief at his friends.

"Oh, hello," said Will.

"Um, hello. " He said, pleasantly as he could to Will. Already missing the feeling of Will playing with his hair.

He looked sternly at his friends. "For future reference, I'd appreciate if everyone refrained from talking about me behind my back. " Linnea should particularly stop, seeing as it had not worked out well in the most recent past, with this exact person, actually.

"Oh, not behind your back, you were right there," said Mark. "We were just letting Will know what's he got himself into." He smiled pleasantly at Will and at Sonny.

Sonny tried to ignore his roommates. "I'm sorry I fell asleep," said Sonny to Will. "I can't believe I did that."

"Well, that's what you get for waiting around since 6 am in a train station. I didn't mind. I slept some, too, just woke up before you."

Sonny had driven the two of them back from the train station, an almost wordless ride. Will ate half the bagel and offered the other half to Sonny; out of the corner of his eye he noticed the satisfied smile on Will's face as Sonny took a bite.

Sonny was not at all surprised to find that the amount of cleaning Mark and Linnea had done for the many hours he had been gone had been almost none. They were just getting started trying to clear the front porch, street and front yard of the party litter. Sonny and Will immediately helped and the four got the outside clean fairly fast. Inside was a bit more of a challenge.

They cleaned some, but then quickly decided to take a break. Will and Sonny sat on the couch, talking about everything from how hung over Will's friend was exactly, to what the one beer delivery guy at the pub is like—even funnier than the bread guy, it turns out—to what other bands they both liked. Sonny had been telling Will about his Econ class, and a paper that he had to be working on, and that must have been his mistake. Econ was so dull, he put himself to sleep.

Now that they were both up, the four of them ordered some pizza. A handful of friends dropped by and they ate, talked, laughed and played cards. He loved how easily and seamlessly Will blended with his friends. They played Hearts and Bullshit, but when a game of Miox broke out, Sonny decided they should break away from the group.

"If you guys would just tell me the rules, I'm sure I would have figured it out," said Will, playfully arguing with him.

"That's the thing. You're not allowed to tell anyone the rules, that's supposed to be rule number one. You just have to play to figure them out. And also, they change. But I shouldn't have told that. I've said too much, already."

Will poked him in his side. "If I ask you to tell me how to play, you'd tell me wouldn't you? Break all the rules for me, right?"

Sonny smiled broadly. How could he not, when Will was so incredibly gorgeous. "Yeah, I would." Then Sonny traced a finger along Will's hand and looked at him. "You want to take a walk…or a movie…or go to my room…or…"

"Your room," said Will.

# # #

Sonny's lips captured Will's easily as one hand cupped Will's face and the other slid around the small of his back. Will returned the kiss instantly, his tongue on motor memory from the last time he and Sonny had been standing in the middle of the room.

Only this time as they kissed, Will's mind replayed the conversation with Sonny's roommates. Their words haunted every tender meeting of the lips.

Sonny had hated himself, Linnea had said. He wanted to give himself six months, boyfriend-free, relationship-free. Time to get over the heartbreak and let himself heal. It was what he needed. Sonny had been shattered before.

Will frantically peeled off Sonny's shirt and began kissing and licking at his chest, as if he could mouth the heartache clean. His hands desperately roamed his upper body as if Sonny had been broken and Will could put him back together.

How exactly could Will tell Sonny the truth without hurting him? Would he forgive him for being a liar? Will hating lying to him. Why had he done it in the first place? He could hardly remember.

"I don't know whether I'm coming or going," Will admitted, lifting his head up and looking Sonny in the eye, panting.

"It's having that effect on me, too," murmured Sonny speaking in between kisses that he now set upon Will's neck, up his jawline, all the while unbuttoning Will's shirt, and letting it fall to the ground.

They kissed for what could be ages, until Will thought his mouth was raw.

"I lied," said Will as Sonny's hands caressed his shoulders, his chest.

He didn't want to hurt Sonny. He had to give him honesty, truth. Part of not hurting him had to be coming clean. He was a closeted high school kid, that was the truth of it. Damn. Maybe Sonny didn't want a kid barely able to call himself gay. Maybe he rightfully should protect his heart from Will who didn't know what the hell he was doing. At all.

"I've noticed you didn't exactly tell the truth," said Sonny. He guided them to the wall of his room, and pressed into Will, chest to chest, skin to skin, eliciting a moan from deep within Will. "I take it you WILL kiss on the first date." He said it light-hearted, and that twisted at Will even more.

Will felt unbelievably hard and let out a breathless, "fuck" when he could feel Sonny, in the same condition, rocking into him. Will squirmed and found the right angle where he was pushing his cock against Sonny's through the denim. Even through the layers of clothes, the heat seeped through and Will could feel Sonny against every thrust. He had never felt anything like it.

"I'm so close," Will stuttered, his legs growing shaky, feeling helpless and out of control. "I'm gonna…I'm gonna…"

Sonny bit at his ear. "I've got you."

Will bucked into it and the rhythm, the pressure, Sonny, all led to Will's breaking point, as he shuddered and came with a single high pitched sound, while gasping for air. With dark-eyed awe Sonny watched and then he pushed his cock against Will once, twice, three times, closing his eyes shut and coming, his mouth silent but open wide with wanting. Will kissed him, deep and passionate and Sonny held him tight and close.

# # #

Sleep came easily after that.

Waking in someone's arms was a new experience for Will, too. It was something he had always wanted, but never knew, he realized.

"I'm crazy about you, already," said Sonny in the morning, arms wrapped around his waist. Sonny's head rested on Will's chest and Will used a hand to stroke the dark knots of his hair.

"I'm sorry," blurted Will. He could feel Sonny tensing up at his side.

And he had to tell Sonny the truth. And after this if he turned to Will and said that there would be no chance at a relationship Will would have to take it. He didn't want to cause Sonny heartache. He didn't mean to hurt him. If Sonny told him it was over, he would accept that. He owed Sonny that much. If Sonny had to put Will off to protect his own heart, Will wouldn't blame him.

"I have to tell you the truth."

# # #

I need to just let him go, thought Sonny.

He was mad at him for lying sure, but Will was so sincerely sorry it hurt to look at him. As he sat up in bed, propped up at the pillows, his eyes were glossy, and he apologized for maybe the twentieth time.

"It's okay," said Sonny, sitting at the foot of the bed. He was a high school senior. Who was not out, to anyone. Had never even so much as kissed someone before Sonny. At least he was 18.

"I'm sorry I let it go so far," said Sonny, somberly and motioning vaguely to the wall, Will thought. "I—"

"I'm not," said Will, cutting him off "I swear."

Sonny shook his head, clenched his jaw. "You should be taking this slower…" He would have let them kiss, maybe. God, how he hoped Will wasn't regretting anything he had done.

"Slow? I've been taking it too slow, I have been living in a box, hiding away, waiting for life to start. When I should have just been myself all along. I've got to be honest about who I am with everybody," said Will. "I'm going to go home, I'm going to tell everyone I'm gay, and they'll have to deal."

Sonny looked at Will sympathetically. The truth was, Sonny knew Will probably had an uphill battle ahead of him. It was going to be a process. A long, arduous process, most likely. Jumping into anything with Sonny wouldn't be what he needed at all.

Honestly? It would be selfish for him to keep Will. Selfish, when what Will really needed was freedom, and room to breathe, room to grow. Right? No one should come out and start a long distance relationship with an older guy ten seconds later. Sonny would feel like he was taking advantage. Will was so good and clean and innocent, still, with a long journey ahead of himself.

"Are you sure you're okay?" asked Sonny.

"Yes," he said. But after that the air in the room was strained. The conversation halted.

Will stood up and riffled through his bag. The two of them, took separate showers and changed, then ate cereal at the table together all without speaking.

Will looked up, from the cornflakes. "Do you think we can just forget about it?"

Oh. OH. "I guess, yeah," he said, slowly. "We should probably just let it go," said Sonny, continuing to talk about forgetting the possibility of any kind of relationship that would continue for the two of them. "It's probably for the best."

# # #

Walking in the lobby of the train station, Will and Sonny nervously glanced at one another. Then Sonny looked away and motioned to Will that they should move to the boarding platform where the train waited.

Standing there, Will couldn't believe there had been a time at the beginning of his trip that he had not wanted Sonny to notice him. Now he wished he could have Sonny's eyes on him indefinitely. How he wished Sonny just wanted to forget about the lying and get right back to where they were before.

"So," said Will, dropping his bag at his feet and staring into Sonny's eyes. Sonny who needed to protect his own happiness, right now, more than anything. "So it's for the best?" For you, Sonny? That's what you really want? he wondered. It wasn't fair to ask for more; Sonny needed to put up defenses for his own heart.

Sonny said, "You need time." To come out, he meant, will knew. Oh, God, thought, Will. That MIGHT take time. That's going to be its own giant drama wrapped in a bow, isn't it? He shook it off.

"I need time," Sonny continued. To heal? Will's shoulder slumped thinking about Sonny in pain and reached over and pulled at the collar of Sonny's shirt, smoothing it. If he could have smoothed everything for him, he would.

Sonny glanced at his hand. He said, "So, how about we just….say goodbye…"

Will shook his head no, but he said the words he thought Sonny was looking to hear, the words Sonny was just having trouble saying, "Of course. You're right. We'll just say goodbye now. The timing isn't going to work out."

"Timing can be everything."

Passengers were beginning to board, around them. Sonny picked up Will's duffle bag and held it out. Will reluctantly took it. "Thanks," said Will. "So, see ya." Which didn't mean see ya, at all. It meant goodbye.

"So long," said Sonny, although farewell would have been more fitting, Will thought. Sonny turned to leave. Will turned to go through the open train doors.

But then Will went to reach back, and turned on his heels; he found Sonny had turned, too, so that now they were face to face again.

"Only…" said Will. Screw it, he thought.

"Only what?" asked Sonny. Hopeful, Will thought. And the way his voice, went up just that little bit, Will was gonna ride that to the end.

"Only I still believe there could be something there, okay?" said Will. "Is that stupid? I don't care. I can't make any promises about how any of this is gonna go. But I think we should just try, do you? I'm going to be really selfish here and just ask for what I want. I want you. I want you to give me a try."

Sonny said, "Will. Oh my God. So, yeah, I know it's going to be hard for you, but maybe we can make it work. Maybe I'll even be able to help guide you through it? And then you can just come back and visit me. And I wanted to travel this summer, so maybe, well, I want maybe to come spend some time in Salem with you…"

"Yes," Will said, and then he plunged ahead, "And I guess I don't know what my future is going to be like, like at all, like even more than usual, but I think I'd like if you were in it, okay? Maybe you can be part of my future?"

Sonny pulled him in for an urgent kiss, and relief flooded Will.

Maybe it could work out, who knew. Will knew he wanted to find out. Will was going to get on the train and go home to Salem and start with telling someone he was gay; Sonny was going to stay here, finish an Econ paper, continue to mend. And all the while they would try with one another.

As the train departure time loomed, Will and Sonny continued to kiss and hold on to one another, for as long as they could, like it was even more than just something—like that something could become everything.


End file.
